I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
