Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
