okay pat passed out under dana's car
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
