I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it because I queefed?
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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