the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize