Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
