I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
