I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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