While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
