dude i'm inner monologue high
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
