I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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