Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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