Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
only you would photoshop your dick
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
