Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
