I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
