I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize