haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
