I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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