How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
