If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
