Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
