Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
