i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i love accidental penises.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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