Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
