4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
