I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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