Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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