did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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