he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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