i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
