She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
