tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
