trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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