There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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