we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
