You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
