I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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