What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize