90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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