Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
