the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
