i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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