When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
