i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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