guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
