you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
