I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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