I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
