he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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