we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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