Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
