Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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