I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
