jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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