I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
