In the future we'll all be gay
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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