i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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