so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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