she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
