Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
