oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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