So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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