i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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