I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
