We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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