Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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