hotel room ftw
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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