i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
