I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
