I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
