My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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